Give a Boy a Gun
by Todd Strasser

 

The Day It Happened

Brendan called me around dinnertime. It was definitely weird. I don’t think we’d spoken on the phone since the end of ninth grade. There was a time when I was pretty sure he was interested in me in a romantic way. But I thought that had passed. Anyway, we talked for a while, and I wasn’t sure what he was getting at. Then he told me that about a week before the fight with Sam he’d been rejected by a private military school he’d applied to.

I know that must sound totally out of character. I wonder if Gary even knew. I mean, why in the world would a kid like Brendan want to go to military school? But I think somewhere inside he knew he was headed for big trouble, and he must have believed that military school might be the way to save himself. And if I’m right, then when he was rejected, it was like he lost his last lifeline. Being rejected meant two more years of living hell at Middletown High. I think he knew he’d never survive it. I think maybe that was the last straw. He lost hope.

We talked for about twenty minutes, and then he asked me if I was going to the dance that night, and I was like, “No way.” He asked if I was sure, because he’d noticed that I was getting friendly with some of the quote, unquote “popular” girls. I assured him there was absolutely, positively no way I was going.

And then he said he was glad, and that he’d always liked me. And then he said good-bye.

— Emily Kirsch

I can see how Gary might have been thinking about killing himself. Brendan never struck me that way. It was like he was too angry to do that. He wanted to get too many people. But if you put them together, you can almost see the idea coming to them. Deciding to do themselves in, but going to school and taking as many of those guys with them as they could.

— Ryan Clancy

To me it was just like any other Friday night. The popular kids were at the dance. Gary and Brendan were gone. I didn’t know where. I went over to Blockbuster. I wasn’t really looking for a video. I was looking for someone to hook up with for a couple of hours.

—Allison Findley

It was an unfortunate combination of poor building design and a couple bright minds ingenious enough to take advantage of it. You’ve got a windowless gym with four main entrances, each consisting of double metal doors. You’ve got two heavily armed young men who’ve rigged booby-trap bombs in a way that kept us from getting to the doors from the outside. Inside they chained the doors shut. You want to talk about planning? They brought drinks and snacks for themselves. And flashlights.

—Allen Curry

You hear people say the boys were crazy. That it was just an insane, unpredictable thing that doesn’t happen to the vast majority of people. Like getting hit by lightning. Utterly random. But I don’t think so. Every year you hear about kids walking into their school and shooting classmates and teachers. You don’t hear about them walking into McDonald’s and shooting people. They don’t go to the town swimming pool or the movies and do it. Most of these kids live in neighborhoods with elementary schools, middle schools, and high schools. But they don’t go to some other school. They always go to their own school. It’s not random. It’s a message, and the sooner we wake up and listen, the better.

— Beth Bender

My father fought in World War Two against the Japanese and the Germans. I realize that it was a long time ago, but when you face a people in mortal combat, it’s a difficult thing to forget. Sometimes at a gun show I see those foreign-made weapons. Some of them come from countries we once considered our enemies. Part of me can’t help thinking that they must be laughing their heads off at us. They don’t have to go to war against us anymore. All they have to do is sell us guns, and we’ll do the job for them. And the darnedest part of it is they make a profit.

—Jack Phillips

Blockbuster is right around the corner from school. So I’m in there looking at titles, hoping someone I know will walk in. And who comes in? Emily Kirsch. Like, at first I wasn’t even going to talk to her. I went back to looking at titles. But then I look up and there she is, right across the aisle. So we say hi, what’s up? You know, the regular BS.

It runs out pretty fast, and there’s that moment when one of you has to come up with something else to say or you’re just going to go off in different directions. And I swear I still don’t know why I said it, but just joking around, I said, “So, how come you’re not at the dance?”

Like she or I would ever go to a school dance.

And that’s when she told me about Brendan calling her, and how he wanted to make sure she wouldn’t be at the dance. And it just gave me the creepiest feeling. Why would he say that? Since it wasn’t like I had anything better to do, I figured I’d walk over to school and take a look.

—Allison Findley

I heard someone scream and then I saw one of them. He was wearing green camouflage clothing and a black ski hat pulled down over his face with the eyes and mouth cut out. At first I thought it was a joke. Guys dressed like commandos and carrying toy guns. But then one of them, I think it was probably Brendan, fired a bunch of shots at the ceiling. It sounded like a pack of firecrackers, but you could hear the bullets pinging and ricocheting off the rafters and air-conditioning ducts. A couple of those big mercury-vapor lights shattered, and glass started to rain down on us. When that happened, most of the crowd dived for the floor.

—Dustin Williams

Do you know what a semiautomatic is? It looks like a machine gun. Only it’s smaller and easier to hide. It sprays out lots of bullets very quickly. I’m told it has absolutely no use as a hunting weapon and hardly any accuracy, either. So it serves no purpose in target shooting. Then what is it for? Why is it made? What do the companies that make these guns think people are going to do with them?

—Beth Bender

They were running around and yelling and firing at the ceiling. Bullets were ricocheting all over the place. Glass was shattering. It was, like, total mayhem. They told us to lie facedown on the floor with our hands over our head. That made it hard to see. With all the shouting and firing and running, and with the gym semidark because it was a dance, it was hard to tell how many there really were.

I think I knew almost instantly that one of them was Brendan. And that led to the fairly logical conclusion that Gary would be involved too. I took a couple of guesses at who the others might be. I think a lot of us were surprised when we finally realized there weren’t any others. It was just Brendan and Gary. Even with the masks you could tell who was who because Brendan was thin and Gary was sort of chubby. You wouldn’t have thought only two of them could make so much noise and gunfire. At first I couldn’t understand why they were running and yelling and wearing masks. Now I think it was just to add to the fear factor. Believe me, it worked.

— Dustin Williams

They were yelling at us to get away from the doors. That the doors were booby-trapped. They herded us all into the center of the gym and told us to lie facedown. Mr. Curry tried to get stern and tough, and started to tell Gary to put down the gun. Gary didn’t say a word. He just fired off half a dozen quick shots at the ceiling. Those bullets ricocheted around up there. One of them came back down so close to my face I could feel the air move. It sounded like that beach scene in Saving Private Ryan.

—Paul Burns

In this school when they get mad, they pull out that walkie-talkie and point it at you. Like it’s a stick or a whip or something. Or maybe it’s to make sure you know they can get anyone pronto, even the police. It’s like an automatic reflex. Mr. Curry pointed his walkie-talkie at Gary and Brendan. And Brendan just shot him.

—Chelsea Baker

The bullet went into the right side of my chest. I thought I was going to die. I thought about my wife, Sara, and my kids. But I was incredibly lucky. It’s a story you’ve heard before. Half an inch this way or that and I wouldn’t be here talking to you right now. But the good Lord said it wasn’t my time.

—Allen Curry

Of course I was shocked when I heard the news. Everyone around here was. All I could think about was Samantha and Tom Lawlor, and what sweet, kind people they’d been, and about that day four years ago when Samantha had cried in my kitchen. I don’t know what happened to Brendan after they left Springfield, but I knew Samantha and Tom well enough to know that nothing they did could have led to anything that extreme. If you’ve raised children yourself, then you know you can’t blame the parents. If a child doesn’t want you to know or see something, then you’re not going to know or see it.

— Kit Conner

I didn’t even know they’d shot Mr. Curry. Most of the kids in the gym didn’t know it either. Guns were going off, and people were getting down as fast as they could. Too many things were happening at once.

—Dustin Williams

The police just couldn’t believe that it was an accident that I was at the dance. If they’d spend half as much time trying to help kids with their problems as they did trying to prove that I was an accomplice, we probably wouldn’t have these kinds of problems in the first place.

—Allison Findley

I think there might have been an opportunity, right at the beginning, to confront them, challenge them, get them to lay down their weapons. But they had the element of surprise on their side, and they came in firing and making a lot of noise. Once they shot Allen and had the rest of us on our stomachs, they were in control.

—Dick Flanagan

I was one of the first ones they put the plasticties on. “Aw, look, it’s Flach on the floor.” [Brendan] pressed the barrel of the gun right against the back of my head. I thought I was dead meat. Then he yanked my hands behind my back and pulled that plastic tie tight. Like a calf-roping contest. Then he kicked me as hard as he could in the ribs, cracked two of them, as it turned out.

— Sam Flach

One of them came over and started putting a tie on my wrists. I asked which one he was, and he said Brendan. I said, “Brendan, come on, it’s me, Dustin.” He said, “Sorry, dude, it’s too late.”

—Dustin Williams

They had it planned perfectly. The way they came in firing and yelling. The way they tied up some of the football players and male teachers first. The way they took the walkie-talkies away, and kicked and hurt some of them. By the time I realized how absurd the whole thing was, at least five minutes had passed. I sat up and looked around. There were nearly sixty of us and two of them. They were still tying up some of the bigger boys. I didn’t know they’d already shot Allen. I started to get up, and one of them saw me and came running over, yelling at me to get down. I was scared, but I didn’t back down. He fired at the ceiling and yelled again for me to lie down. He was still wearing that black mask, but I knew it was Gary. I said, “I’m not lying down, Gary, and I don’t think you’ll shoot me.”

He aimed that gun right at my face and said, “I’d hate to shoot you, Ms. Bender, but I will.” I said, “I don’t think so.” And just like that, he fired. The force of the blast knocked me down, and I was in terrible pain on the left side of my head. I didn’t know what had happened. I was pretty sure I hadn’t been shot. It turned out the bullet missed. But kids all over the gym started screaming and crying. I lay down again. I honestly believe he intentionally missed the first time, but I also think he wouldn’t have missed a second time.

—Beth Bender

 

Gary’s Suicide Note

Dear Mom,

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. I just want you to know that there’s nothing you could have done to stop this. I know you always tried your best for me, and if anyone doubts you, just show them this letter.

I don’t know if I can really explain why I did this. I guess it’s because I know that I’ll never be happy. I know that every day of my life will hurt and be a lot more bad than good. It’s entirely a matter of, What’s the point of living?

I could have just gone and offed myself quietly, but that would have been an even bigger waste. If I go this way, taking the people who made my life miserable with me, then maybe it will send a message. Maybe something will change, and some other miserable kid like me somewhere will get treated better and maybe find a reason to live.

Mom, I could never tell you how unhappy I was. I knew there was nothing you could do to help, and life has been hard enough on you already. I’m truly, truly sorry that I’m going to put you through so much pain, but I hope that in a year or two you’ll get over it. Maybe you could move away and change your name and even have a new kid.

You can start over. I wish I could be there with you, but I’m past the point of no return.

Love forever,

Gary