227. And I kept my eyes closed and I didn’t look at my watch at all. And the trains coming in and out of the station were in a rhythm, like music or drumming. And it was like counting and saying, “Left, right, left, right, left, right…” which Siobhan taught me to do to make myself calm.
And I was saying in my head, “Train coming. Train stopped. Train going. Silence. Train coming.
Train stopped. Train going…” as if the trains were only in my mind. And normally I don’t imagine things that aren’t happening because it is a lie and it makes me feel scared, but it was better than watching the trains coming in and out of the station because that made me feel even more scared.
And I didn’t open my eyes and I didn’t look at my watch. And it was like being in a dark room with the curtains closed so I couldn’t see anything, like when you wake up at night and the only sounds you hear are the sounds inside your head. And that made it better because it was like the little station wasn’t there, outside my head, but I was in bed and I was safe.
And then the silences between the trains coming and going got longer and longer. And I could hear that there were fewer people in the little station when the train wasn’t there, so I opened my eyes and I looked at my watch and it said 8:07 p.m. and I had been sitting on the bench for approximately 5 hours but it hadn’t seemed like approximately 5 hours, except that my bottom hurt and I was hungry and thirsty.
And then I realized that Toby was missing because he was not in my pocket, and I didn’t want him to be missing because we weren’t in Father’s house or Mother’s house and there wasn’t anyone to feed him in the little station and he would die and he might get run over by a train.
And then I looked up at the ceiling and I saw that there was a long black box which was a sign and it said:
1: Harrow & Wealdstone – 2minutes
3: Queens Park – 7 minutes
And then the bottom line scrolled up and disappeared and a different line scrolled up into its place and the sign said:
1: Harrow & Wealdstone – 1 minute
2: Willesden Junction – 4 minutes
And then it changed again and it said:
1: Harrow & Wealdstone – Stand Back – Train Approaching
And then I heard the sound like sword fighting and the roaring of a train coming into the station and I worked out that there was a big computer somewhere and it knew where all the trains were and it sent messages to the black boxes in the little stations to say when the trains were coming, and that made me feel better because everything had an order and a plan.
And the train came into the little station and it stopped and 5 people got onto the train and another person ran into the little station and got on, and 7 people got off the train and then the doors closed automatically and the train went away. And when the next train came I wasn’t so scared anymore because the sign said Train Approaching so I knew it was going to happen.
And then I decided that I would look for Toby because there were only 3 people in the little station. So I stood up and I looked up and down the little station and in the doorways that went into tunnels but I couldn’t see him anywhere. And then I looked down into the black lower-down bit where the rails were.
And then I saw two mice and they were black because they were covered in dirt. And I liked that because I like mice and rats. But they weren’t Toby, so I carried on looking.
And then I saw Toby, and he was also in the lower-down bit where the rails were, and I knew he was Toby because he was white and he had a brown egg shape on his back. So I climbed down off the concrete. And he was eating a bit of rubbish that was an old sweet paper. And someone shouted, “Jesus. What are you doing?”
And I bent down to catch Toby but he ran off. And I walked after him and I bent down again and I said, “Toby… Toby… Toby,” and I held out my hand so that he could smell my hand and smell that it was me.
And someone said, “Get out of there, for fuck’s sake,” and I looked up and it was a man who was wearing a green raincoat and he had black shoes and his socks were showing and they were gray with little diamond patterns on them.
And I said, “Toby… Toby…” but he ran off again.
And the man with the diamond patterns on his socks tried to grab my shoulder, so I screamed.
And then I heard the sound like sword fighting and Toby started running again, but this time he ran the other way, which was past my feet, and I grabbed at him and I caught him by the tail.
And the man with the diamond patterns on his socks said, “Oh Christ. Oh Christ.”
And then I heard the roaring and I lifted Toby up and grabbed him with both hands and he bit me on my thumb and there was blood coming out and I shouted and Toby tried to jump out of my hands.
And then the roaring got louder and I turned round and I saw the train coming out of the tunnel and I was going to be run over and killed so I tried to climb up onto the concrete but it was high and I was holding Toby in both my hands.
And then the man with the diamond patterns on his socks grabbed hold of me and pulled me and I screamed, but he kept pulling me and he pulled me up onto the concrete and we fell over and I carried on screaming because he had hurt my shoulder. And then the train came into the station and I stood up and I ran to the bench again and I put Toby into the pocket inside my jacket and he went very quiet and he didn’t move.
And the man with the diamond patterns on his socks was standing next to me and he said,
“What the fuck do you think you were playing at?”
But I didn’t say anything.
And he said, “What were you doing?”
And the doors of the train opened and people got off and there was a lady standing behind the man with the diamond patterns on his socks and she was carrying a guitar case like Siobhan has.
And I said, “I was finding Toby. He’s my pet rat.”
And the man with the diamond patterns on his socks said, “Fucking Nora.”
And the lady with the guitar case said, “Is he OK?”
And the man with the diamond patterns on his socks said, “Him? Thanks a fucking bundle.
Jesus Christ. A pet rat. Oh shit. My train.” And then he ran to the train and he banged on the door, which was closed, and the train started to go away and he said, “Fuck.”
And the lady said, “Are you OK?” and she touched my arm so I screamed again.
And she said, “OK. OK. OK.”
And there was a sticker on her guitar case and it said: howl records.
And I was sitting on the ground and the woman knelt down on one knee and she said, “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
And if she was a teacher at school, I could have said, “Where is 451c Chapter Road, Willesden, London NW2 5NG?” but she was a stranger, so I said, “Stand further away,” because I didn’t like her being so close. And I said, “I’ve got a Swiss Army knife and it has a saw blade and it could cut someone’s fingers off.”
And she said, “OK, buddy. I’m going to take that as a no,” and she stood up and walked away.
And the man with the diamond patterns on his socks said, “Mad as a fucking hatter. Jesus,” and he was pressing a handkerchief against his face and there was blood on the handkerchief.
And then another train came and the man with the diamond patterns on his socks and the lady with the guitar case got on and it went away again.
And then 8 more trains came and I decided that I would get onto a train and then I would work out what to do.
So I got on the next train.
And Toby tried to get out of my pocket so I took hold of him and I put him in my outside pocket and I held him with my hand.
And there were 11 people in the carriage and I didn’t like being in a room with 11 people in a tunnel, so I concentrated on things in the carriage. And there were signs saying There are 53,963 holiday cottages in Scandinavia and Germany and VITABIOTICS and 3435 and Penalty £10 if you fail to show a valid ticket for your entire journey and Discover Gold, Then Bronze and TVIC and EPBIC and suck my cock and Obstructing the doors can be dangerous and BRV and Con. IC and TALK TO THE WORLD.
And there was a pattern on the walls and there was a pattern on the seats.
Then the train wobbled a lot and I had to hang on to a rail and we went into a tunnel and it was noisy and I closed my eyes and I could feel the blood pumping in the sides of my neck.
And then we came out of the tunnel and went into a little station and it was called Warwick Avenue and it said it in big letters on the wall and I liked that because you knew where you were.
And I timed the distance between stations all the way to Willesden Junction and all the times between stations were multiples of 15 seconds like this:
0:00 Paddington
1:30 Warwick Avenue
3:15 Maida Vale
5:00 Kilburn Park
7:00 Queen’s Park
10:30 Kensal Green
11:45 Willesden Junction
And when the train stopped at Willesden Junction and the doors opened automatically, I walked out of the train. And then the doors closed and the train went away. And everyone who got off the train walked up a staircase and over a bridge except me, and then there were only 2 people that I could see and one was a man and he was drunk and he had brown stains on his coat and his shoes were not a pair and he was singing but I couldn’t hear what he was singing, and the other was an Indian man in a shop which was a little window in a wall.
And I didn’t want to talk to either of them because I was tired and hungry and I had already talked to lots of strangers, which is dangerous, and the more you do something dangerous the more likely it is that something bad happens. But I didn’t know how to get to 451c Chapter Road, London NW2 5NG, so I had to ask somebody.
So I went up to the man in the little shop and I said, “Where is 451c Chapter Road, London NW2 5NG?”
And he picked up a little book and handed it to me and said, “Two ninety-five.”
And the book was called LONDON AZ Street Atlas and Index, Geographers’ A-Z Map Company and I opened it up and it was lots of maps.
And the man in the little shop said, “Are you going to buy it or not?”
And I said, “I don’t know.”
And he said, “Well, you can get your dirty fingers off it if you don’t mind,” and he took it back from me.
And I said, “Where is 451c Chapter Road, London NW2 5NG?”
And he said, “You can either buy the A-to-Z or you can hop it. I’m not a walking encyclopedia.”
And I said, “Is that the A-to-Z?” and I pointed at the book.
And he said, “No, it’s a sodding crocodile.”
And I said, “Is that the A-to-Z?” because it wasn’t a crocodile and I thought I had heard wrong because of his accent.
And he said, “Yes, it’s the A-to-Z.”
And I said, “Can I buy it?”
And he didn’t say anything.
And I said, “Can I buy it?”
And he said, “Two pounds ninety-five, but you’re giving me the money first. I’m not having you scarpering,” and then I realized that he meant £2.95 when he said Two ninety-five.
And I paid him £2.95 with my money and he gave me change just like in the shop at home and I went and sat down on the floor against the wall like the man with the dirty clothes but a long way away from him and I opened up the book.
And inside the front cover there was a big map of London with places on it like Abbey Wood and Poplar and Acton and Stanmore. And it said KEY TO MAP PAGES . And the map was covered with a grid and each square of the grid had two numbers on it. And Willesden was in the square which said 42and 43. And I worked out that the numbers were the numbers of the pages where you could see a bigger-scale map of that square of London. And the whole book was a big map of London, but it had been chopped up so it could be made into a book, and I liked that.
But Willesden Junction wasn’t on pages 42 and 43. And I found it on page 58, which was directly under page 42 on the KEY TO MAP PAGES and which joined up with page 42. And I looked round Willesden Junction in a spiral, like when I was looking for the train station in Swindon, but on the map with my finger.
And the man who had shoes that didn’t match stood in front of me and said, “Big cheese. Oh yes. The nurses. Never. Bloody liar. Total bloody liar.”
Then he went away.
And it took me a long time to find Chapter Road because it wasn’t on page 58. It was back on page 42, and it was in square 5C.
And from the shape of the roads between Willesden Junction and Chapter Road, I devised a route.
So I went up the staircase and over the bridge and I put my ticket in the little gray gate and went into the street and there was a bus and a big machine with a sign on it which said English Welsh and Scottish Railways, but it was yellow, and I looked around and it was dark and there were lots of bright lights and I hadn’t been outside for a long time and it made me feel sick. And I kept my eyelids very close together and I just looked at the shape of the roads and then I knew which roads were Station Approach and Oak Lane, which were the roads I had to go along.
So I started walking, but Siobhan said I didn’t have to describe everything that happened, I just have to describe the things that were interesting.
So I got to 451c Chapter Road, London NW2 5NG, and it took me 27 minutes and there was no one in when I pressed the button that said Flat C and the only interesting thing that happened on the way was 8 men dressed up in Viking costumes with helmets with horns on and they were shouting, but they weren’t real Vikings because the Vikings lived nearly 2,000 years ago, and also I had to go for another wee and I went in the alleyway down the side of a garage called Burdett Motors, which was closed, and I didn’t like doing that but I didn’t want to wet myself again, and there was nothing else interesting.
So I decided to wait and I hoped that Mother was not on holiday because that would mean she could be away for more than a whole week, but I tried not to think about this because I couldn’t go back to Swindon.
So I sat down on the ground behind the dustbins in the little garden that was in front of 451c Chapter Road, London NW2 5NG, and it was under a big bush. And a lady came into the garden and she was carrying a little box with a metal grille on one end and a handle on the top like you use to take a cat to the vet, but I couldn’t see if there was a cat in it, and she had shoes with high heels and she didn’t see me.
And then it started to rain and I got wet and I started shivering because I was cold.
And then it was 11:32 p.m. and I heard voices of people walking along the street.
And a voice said, “I don’t care whether you thought it was funny or not,” and it was a lady’s voice.
And another voice said, “Judy, look. I’m sorry, OK,” and it was a man’s voice.
And the other voice, which was the lady’s voice, said, “Well, perhaps you should have thought about that before you made me look like a complete idiot.”
And the lady’s voice was Mother’s voice.
And Mother came into the garden and Mr. Shears was with her, and the other voice was his.
So I stood up and I said, “You weren’t in, so I waited for you.”
And Mother said, “Christopher.”
And Mr. Shears said, “What?”
And Mother put her arms around me and said, “Christopher, Christopher, Christopher.”
And I pushed her away because she was grabbing me and I didn’t like it, and I pushed really hard and I fell over.
And Mr. Shears said, “What the hell is going on?”
And Mother said, “I’m so sorry, Christopher. I forgot.”
And I was lying on the ground and Mother held up her right hand and spread her fingers out in a fan so that I could touch her fingers, but then I saw that Toby had escaped out of my pockets so I had to catch him.
And Mr. Shears said, “I suppose this means Ed’s here.” And there was a wall around the garden so Toby couldn’t get out because he was stuck in the corner and he couldn’t climb up the walls fast enough and I grabbed him and put him back in my pocket and I said, “He’s hungry. Have you got any food I can give him, and some water?”
And Mother said, “Where’s your father, Christopher?”
And I said, “I think he’s in Swindon.”
And Mr. Shears said, “Thank God for that.”
And Mother said, “But how did you get here?”
And my teeth were clicking against each other because of the cold and I couldn’t stop them, and I said, “I came on the train. And it was really frightening. And I took Father’s cashpoint card so I could get money out and a policeman helped me. But then he wanted to take me back to Father.
And he was on the train with me. But then he wasn’t.”
And Mother said, “Christopher, you’re soaking. Roger, don’t just stand there.”
And then she said, “Oh my God. Christopher. I didn’t … I didn’t think I’d ever… Why are you here on your own?”
And Mr. Shears said, “Are you going to come in or are you going to stay out here all night?”
And I said, “I’m going to live with you because Father killed Wellington with a garden fork and I’m frightened of him.”
And Mr. Shears said, “Jumping Jack Christ.”
And Mother said, “Roger, please. Come on, Christopher, let’s go inside and get you dried off.”
So I stood up and I went inside the house and Mother said, “You follow Roger,” and I followed Mr. Shears up the stairs and there was a landing and a door which said Flat C and I was scared of going inside because I didn’t know what was inside.
And Mother said, “Go on or you’ll catch your death,” but I didn’t know what you’ll catch your death meant, and I went inside.
And then she said, “I’ll run you a bath,” and I walked round the flat to make a map of it in my head so I felt safer.
And then Mother made me take my clothes off and get into the bath and she said I could use her towel, which was purple with green flowers on the end. And she gave Toby a saucer of water and some bran flakes and I let him run around the bathroom. And he did three little poos under the sink and I picked them up and flushed them down the toilet and then I got back into the bath again because it was warm and nice.
Then Mother came into the bathroom and she sat on the toilet and she said, “Are you OK, Christopher?”
And I said, “I’m very tired.”
And she said, “I know, love.” And then she said, “You’re very brave.”
And I said, “Yes.”
And she said, “You never wrote to me.”
And I said, “I know.”
And she said, “Why didn’t you write to me, Christopher? I wrote you all those letters. I kept thinking something dreadful had happened, or you’d moved away and I’d never find out where you were.”
And I said, “Father said you were dead.”
And she said, “What?”
And I said, “He said you went into hospital because you had something wrong with your heart. And then you had a heart attack and died and he kept all the letters in a shirt box in the cupboard in his bedroom and I found them because I was looking for a book I was writing about Wellington being killed and he’d taken it away from me and hidden it in the shirt box.”
And then Mother said, “Oh my God.”
And then she didn’t say anything for a long while. And then she made a loud wailing noise like an animal on a nature program on television.
And I didn’t like her doing this because it was a loud noise, and I said, “Why are you doing that?”
And she didn’t say anything for a while, and then she said, “Oh, Christopher, I’m so sorry.”
And I said, “It’s not your fault.”
And then she said, “Bastard. The bastard.”
And then, after a while, she said, “Christopher, let me hold your hand. Just for once. Just for me. Will you? I won’t hold it hard,” and she held out her hand.
And I said, “I don’t like people holding my hand.”
And she took her hand back and she said, “No. OK. That’s OK.”
And then she said, “Let’s get you out of the bath and dried off, OK?”
And I got out of the bath and dried myself with the purple towel. But I didn’t have any pajamas so I put on a white T-shirt and a pair of yellow shorts which were Mother’s, but I didn’t mind because I was so tired. And while I was doing this Mother went into the kitchen and heated up some tomato soup because it was red.
And then I heard someone opening the door of the flat and there was a strange man’s voice outside, so I locked the bathroom door. And there was an argument outside and a man said, “I need to speak to him,” and Mother said, “He’s been through enough today already,” and the man said, “I know. But I still need to speak to him.”
And Mother knocked on the door and said a policeman wanted to talk to me and I had to open the door. And she said she wouldn’t let him take me away and she promised. So I picked Toby up and opened the door.
And there was a policeman outside the door and he said, “Are you Christopher Boone?”
And I said I was.
And he said, “Your father says you’ve run away. Is that right?”
And I said, “Yes.”
And he said, “Is this your mother?” and he pointed at Mother.
And I said, “Yes.”
And he said, “Why did you run away?”
And I said, “Because Father killed Wellington, who is a dog, and I was frightened of him.”
And he said, “So I’ve been told.” And then he said, “Do you want to go back to Swindon to your father or do you want to stay here?”
And I said, “I want to stay here.”
And he said, “And how do you feel about that?”
And I said, “I want to stay here.”
And the policeman said, “Hang on. I’m asking your mother.”
And Mother said, “He told Christopher I was dead.”
And the policeman said, “OK, let’s… let’s not get into an argument about who said what here.
I just want to know whether–”
And Mother said, “Of course he can stay.”
And then the policeman said, “Well, I think that probably settles it as far as I’m concerned.”
And I said, “Are you going to take me back to Swindon?”
And he said, “No.”
And then I was happy because I could live with Mother.
And the policeman said, “If your husband turns up and causes any trouble, just give us a ring.
Otherwise, you’re going to have to sort this out between yourselves.”
And then the policeman went away and I had my tomato soup and Mr. Shears stacked up some boxes in the spare room so he could put a blowup mattress on the floor for me to sleep on, and I went to sleep.
And then I woke up because there were people shouting in the flat and it was 2:31 a.m. And one of the people was Father and I was frightened. But there wasn’t a lock on the door of the spare room.
And Father shouted, “I’m talking to her whether you like it or not. And I am not going to be told what to do by you of all people.”
And Mother shouted, “Roger. Don’t. Just–”
And Mr. Shears shouted, “I’m not being spoken to like that in my own home.”
And Father shouted, “I’ll talk to you how I damn well like.”
And Mother shouted, “You have no right to be here.”
And Father shouted, “No right? No right? He’s my fucking son, in case you’ve forgotten.”
And Mother shouted, “What in God’s name did you think you were playing at, saying those things to him?”
And Father shouted, “What was I playing at? You were the one that bloody left.”
And Mother shouted, “So you decided to just wipe me out of his life altogether?”
And Mr. Shears shouted, “Now let’s us all just calm down here, shall we?”
And Father shouted, “Well, isn’t that what you wanted?”
And Mother shouted, “I wrote to him every week. Every week.”
And Father shouted, “Wrote to him? What the fuck use is writing to him?”
And Mr. Shears shouted, “Whoa, whoa, whoa.”
And Father shouted, “I cooked his meals. I cleaned his clothes. I looked after him every weekend. I looked after him when he was ill. I took him to the doctor. I worried myself sick every time he wandered off somewhere at night. I went to school every time he got into a fight. And you?
What? You wrote him some fucking letters.”
And Mother shouted, “So you thought it was OK to tell him his mother was dead?”
And Mr. Shears shouted, “Now is not the time.”
And Father shouted, “You, butt out or I’ll–”
And Mother shouted, “Ed, for God’s sake–”
And Father said, “I’m going to see him. And if you try to stop me–”
And then Father came into my room. But I was holding my Swiss Army knife with the saw blade out in case he grabbed me. And Mother came into the room as well, and she said, “It’s OK, Christopher. I won’t let him do anything. You’re all right.”
And Father bent down on his knees near the bed and he said, “Christopher?”
But I didn’t say anything.
And he said, “Christopher, I’m really, really sorry. About everything. About Wellington. About the letters. About making you run away. I never meant… I promise I will never do anything like that again. Hey. Come on, kiddo.”
And then he held up his right hand and spread his fingers out in a fan so that I could touch his fingers, but I didn’t because I was frightened.
And Father said, “Shit. Christopher, please.”
And there were tears dripping off his face.
And no one said anything for a while.
And then Mother said, “I think you should go now,” but she was talking to Father, not me.
And then the policeman came back because Mr. Shears had rung the police station and he told Father to calm down and he took him out of the flat.
And Mother said, “You go back to sleep now. Everything is going to be all right. I promise.”
And then I went back to sleep.
HTML layout and style by Stephen Thomas, University of Adelaide.
Modified by Skip for ESL Bits English Language Learning.